Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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