Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
