Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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