New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
