this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
