Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
