so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
