still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
