last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
