Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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