Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
