I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
