i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
