Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
