Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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