I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
