She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
