$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
