before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
