i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
