mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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