You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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