it wasn't lemon gatorade
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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