$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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