dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
