I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
