i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
