dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
