it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
two words: eviction party
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
