I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
