Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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