I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
