And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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