She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
