This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
