...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
