How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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