I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize