just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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