I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
