i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
