so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
