i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
