So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
