I could have mohawked her pubes.
im holly from the hills drunk
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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