Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
