I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
