So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize