Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
