What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
