As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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