I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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