you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
