whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
