My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
