i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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