i can't believe i had my finger in that
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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