haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
