she woke up with a sticky ear
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Randomize