you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
