please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
