I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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