Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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