Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
