This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize