OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
